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Growing old (up). Being lost at twenty-x


Chanced upon a poly girl's blog who is prob 18years old.
Read through some of her posts and I realised that I used to write those things when I was young(er).

When I was 18, things I wrote about were in relation to love, studies and friendships.
Like, emo quotes about crush, bgr; feeling tired from the expectations of good grades, feeling exhausted about school, A levels, uni, projects, work; unhappy about friendships, angst about what "friends" say and whats not.

I'm all of 24. Thinking back, I'm amused at my(young)self.
5 years ago, I was a girl. 5 years later, I still have the heart, mind and soul of a girl, but people see me as a lady.
(Side topic, in the past, people mistook me as a sec school or JC kid when I had past that stage. Recently, when I went for courses, a few people were shocked that I was a fresh graduate. And a few even thought I was married with kids. FML.)

Conversations with friends have changed as well.
We used to giggle and talk about boys, about our future dreams, about our dreams to become a taitai?
Now, the conversations revolve around, "when are you getting married?", "how are you with your bf? BTO already?.
I don't know if I'm ready to grow old. Writing this makes me feel like I'm really childish, I'm sorry, but I feel like I'm not as responsible as I should be?
I feel like I'm sometimes not as mature as I should be?
There are so many things waiting for me to handle once I enter the next stage of life - that is getting married.
There're so many question marks and I don't think I'm prepared to handle them.
Perhaps I've grown up to be rather sheltered. My reliance on my parents made me rather dependent on others.

Just some random reflections.
I'll leave these quotes to do the talking.

The friends you left behind in high school that you vowed to keep touch with are starting to fade away as trips home get shorter and fewer and further between.  
I'm so scared of getting older. I'm only good at being young.

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